Tracey Engelking is living her best life as both an involved Palm Springs resident and a thankful DAP Health patient. She wants you to live yours, too.

Words by Daniel Vaillancourt (as seen in DAP Health magazine)

Tracey Engelking, 51, may not be a celebrity, but if she tried her hand at fame, she’d surely be an overnight sensation. Often told she resembles Sarah Jessica Parker, she definitely exudes a star’s confidence, charisma, and sex appeal.

She was born a water-lover, raised Roman Catholic, and lived with her mom, dad, and adored older sister Kelley in the tiny town of Auburn on Owasco Lake in the Finger Lakes region of Western New York state. “I was a competitive swimmer — always in the lake, always in the pool,” she says. “But it was so cold there! As beautiful as the summers were, even as a child, I knew there was no way I could live there.”

So, after dropping out midway through her junior year as a fine art major at SUNY Buffalo, she packed her meager belongings — and $600 cash — into her Oldsmobile Cutlas Sierra and hightailed it to La Jolla, California, to live by the beach. 

The Greatest Wedding Story Ever Told

While working as a showgirl at a club called Nightlife in San Diego’s Hillcrest neighborhood, Engelking met a hot new bartender named Chad. On his third day there, she offered him a tour of the area. They made a date for the very next day.

“It was July 31, 1998,” she reveals. “We went to dinner, walked around downtown, went to the harbor, watched the fireworks over SeaWorld. Out of nowhere, I said, ‘You’re exactly the kind of guy I would get marry.’”

When Chad replied the feeling was mutual, she blurted out, “Let’s get married!” They wed 48 hours after meeting, and they’re still together more than a quarter-century later.

“He’s the easiest human I could ever, ever imagine being with,” she says. “I can’t imagine being with anybody else.” Alongside her diamond ring, Engelking wears the little pawn shop band they found for $20 in El Cajon.

Pregnant within months, they relocated to Chad’s native Houston, where he soon began working in aerospace. After their son Blue was born, Chad was transferred to Newport Beach (where he still works, for the same company) and the little family settled into a condo in San Clemente.

“We had the quintessential small-town beach life,” she says. “We lived a block from the beach. I was a full-time mom for a lot of years, just raising our son, surfing every day.”

When Blue was 10, Engelking began doing marketing, events, and social media for Hobie, the legendary maker of water-sport recreational products. But when the demands of working full-time grew too great, she quit. “I was fortunate enough to be able to retire in 2019,” she reveals. “And this is where my life really changes.”

From Sea to Sand

When COVID-19 happened, Engelking and the fam found refuge in Palm Springs, swapping the little weekend studio they’d enjoyed for more than a decade for the house that is now their primary residence. “We still have our place at the beach,” she clarifies. It’s home base for Blue, who’s 25. “We own it outright, so we’ll never get rid of it.”

Engelking set about planting roots in the desert. She got her yoga teaching certification and started teaching at Urban Yoga at DAP Health’s Sunrise campus. She also regularly attended group classes taught by Ted Guice of G-Force Workout at Ruth Hardy Park. From there, her circle of friends just kept growing wider and deeper.

Today, Engelking belongs to nonprofit groups the Palm Springs Women’s Club and Palm Springs Pathfinders, performs with the Desert Flaggers at the Sunday tea dance at Oscar’s, teaches yoga twice weekly at Steel Gym, has marched and danced in three Greater Palm Springs Pride parades, warmed up onstage alongside Guice and others at the 2023 DAP Health Equity Walk, and plays Mahjong weekly with a large group whose members range from 25 to 94 years of age.

“I feel like I found a world where I can be 100% myself,” she says, flashing that engaging smile. “And my husband encourages it. He’s happy for me to finally be my whole self and to not have people constantly saying, ‘Well, if she’d only tone it down.’”

Gay Male Erotica

Palm Springs is also where Engelking finally decided to try her hand at erotic writing. But rather than craft hetero bodice-rippers, her talent lies in spinning sexy man-on-man yarns.

“When I was 13, 14 years old, I went to my grandmother’s neighbors’ house.” she explains. “They were a couple of older gay men. I went into their bathroom, and like a nosy child does, I started opening cabinets. They had a gay porn magazine. I stayed in that bathroom for 30 minutes! The men were so beautiful. I loved looking at them. So, when it came time to write, I thought, ‘I’m gonna write about two guys.’”

So talented is Engelking that when friend and fashion designer Andrew Christian (known for his eponymous swimwear, underwear, and sportswear line) sampled her prose, he made space for her on his website. Writing under the nom-de-porn Eris Chase, she’s so far posted 30 or so fictional pieces and advice articles.

“I have no shame, and I’m very sex-positive,” she declares. “I always had a super high sex drive, right from the jump.”

It’s Engelking’s high sex drive — and deep desire to maintain a vigorous monogamous relationship with Chad — that brought her stress. “Entering my perimenopausal years, I was really concerned about weight gain,” she says. “I’ve been the same size since I was 18, and I don’t want to invest in all new clothes. I’m concerned about the exhaustion. I’m really concerned about orgasms, and vaginal atrophy and dryness.”

But when she shared her qualms with her coastal OB-GYN, a woman, they were brushed off as a fact of life. “I thought, ‘I need a different gynecologist,” she says. “I’m in this desert with people who are vital and alive. I’m not willing to hang it all up, just age, and turn into a dried-up piece of fruit.”

Enter a Health Care Savior

Engelking found that new gynecologist through a man named Casey in her Mahjong group, whose partner happens to be Dr. Evan Schwenk, an OB-GYN at DAP Health’s Palm Springs Family Health.

“I had my first appointment with him, told him my concerns, and he immediately started with all these great options,” says Engelking. “They just kept flowing! I felt heard and I felt seen. Dr. Schwenk is one of the most loving, compassionate doctors. It makes me feel excited to have my other doctors through DAP Health.

“I don’t know if it’s because the culture at DAP Health is so sex-positive — it’s such a forward-thinking company. But we should all be living our best lives, whatever that means to us. I should be able to have sex in my 70s and 80s, just like men can. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request to say, ‘Let’s use everything available.’”

Engelking takes a breath, then continues.

“It’s hard being anyone, but being a woman sometimes, there’s so much shame involved. Same with gay men. I think maybe that’s why I do feel more comfortable here in the gay community. I don’t ever have to feel shame anymore. I like having sex. A lot of it. I don’t feel like I ever have to keep that from anyone out here.”

Engelking says that every day, online, she reads stories about women whose concerns fall on deaf ears, whether it’s those of their husbands or partners, or of their doctors. “They’re just devastated. They’re depressed. They can’t get anyone to listen to them,” she says. “What I want more than anything is for some Latino mom out there — whose vagina is dry, who hasn’t had an orgasm in two years — to be able to say, ‘Oh, wait! Maybe if I go to someone who will listen to me, someone will hear me.”